Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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