The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
