it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
