even my farts smell like vagina
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
