Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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