There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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