I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
