I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he fucked my hip out of place.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
