I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
