Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
