Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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