a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
