with your own penis?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
