I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
