She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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