After last night, I could never be a politician.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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