I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
