That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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