Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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