I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you inspire me to be a worse person
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
