Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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