she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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