bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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