i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
