well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
