WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
