Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
