If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
