he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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