Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
