You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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