Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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