Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
