Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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