Ketchup is God's man juice
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
