Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
