sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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