I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
