I feel like I'm in dance class right now
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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