I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
