I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
