Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
