I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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