...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
