And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
