I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
