honey bunches of taint.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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