had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
