you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
