I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
