The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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