like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
