called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
