areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
