Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
